By now, most of us are familiar with the current state of youth mental health: self-reported rates of anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, and suicide attempts in adolescents have increased substantially from 2011 to 2021. This echoes epidemiologic data showing increasing rates of anxiety and depression over the last decade in 12–24-year-olds, but not in older age cohorts.
This trend started well before COVID, coinciding with the explosive growth in use of smartphones, apps, and social media platforms. Facebook launched in 2004, the iPhone in 2007, Instagram in 2010, and TikTok in 2016. A 2018 Pew Research survey of 13–17-year-olds found that 97 percent of them used at least one social media platform and 45 percent described themselves as online “almost constantly.”
Without a doubt, social media has great potential benefits for adolescents. We all experienced how it supported relationships during COVID. It can provide supportive networks for teenagers isolated by exclusion, illness, or disability. It can support exploration of esoteric interests, expression of identity, entertainment, and relaxation. It provides easy independence. But certain children, as was true before social media, seem vulnerable to the bullying, loneliness, isolation, and disengagement that social media may exacerbate.
While researchers are making progress in understanding which young people may be vulnerable to the risks of excessive screentime or social media use, you don’t have to wait another decade to make a plan to balance your child’s needs to be independent and socially connected with the risks of overuse. Equipped with the guiding principles detailed here, you can set individualized, flexible ground rules, and adjust them as your adolescent grows into a young adult.
1. Know your child
You are an expert on your child, their talents, interests, challenges, vulnerabilities, and developmental progress. Children with poor impulse control (including those with ADHD) are going to have greater difficulty turning away from highly addictive activities on their devices. Those who are anxious and shy may be prone to avoiding the stress of real-life situations, preferring virtual ones. Those with a history of depression may be vulnerable to relapse if their sleep and exercise routines are disrupted by excessive use. And teenagers with eating disorders are especially vulnerable to the superficial social comparisons and “likes” that Instagram offers.
Children with these vulnerabilities will benefit if you can speak warmly and directly with them about the risks. Be transparent about how social media companies have a business model built around keeping them online, even if it’s unhealthy for their customers. Then work with your teenager to develop strategies that can help them manage their social media usage. These might include stopping screen use after a certain hour, leaving devices outside of bedrooms at night, and setting up apps that monitor and alert them about excessive use.
Pick one target behavior at a time, and try to change it for two weeks. Try to make a change that everyone in the family will implement. You can use resources such as the AAP’s Family Media Plan, but simply taking the time to have regular, open, honest conversations about what is known and unknown about the potential risks of social media use is very protective.
2. Use adolescent development as your guide
If your child does not have a known vulnerability to overuse, consider the following five areas that are essential to healthy development in adolescence as guideposts in setting reasonable ground rules: building independence, cultivating healthy social relationships, learning about their identity, managing their strong emotions, and developing the skills of self-care. If screen time supports these developmental areas, then it’s probably healthy. If it interferes with them, then not. And remember, you should routinely discuss these principles directly with your children, instead of issuing a “social media plan.” You want to help your child learn how to manage those things in life that can be relaxing, fun, or unhealthy, like alcohol, dessert, or social media, depending on how we use them.
Independence
Key questions:
- Does their use of a device enable them to function more independently (to arrange for rides, manage their schedules, homework, shifts, etc.)?
- Could it be done with a “dumb” device (text/call only)?
Social relationships
One-way viewing (Instagram, Facebook) with superficial acquaintances may promote isolation, anxiety, and depression, does not facilitate deepened relationships, and may be using up time that could be invested in genuine social connections. But if they are using devices to stay connected to good friends who live far away or just have different schedules, that can promote genuine, satisfying, bilateral social connections.
Key questions:
- Are they engaged in two-way communication on their devices?
- Are they staying connected to friends with whom they have a genuine, substantial relationship?
Exploring interests (identity)
Teenagers are supposed to be learning in deep and nuanced ways about their own interests and abilities. This requires a lot of time exploring and experimenting, and a considerable amount of failure. Any activity that consumes a lot of their time without deepening their meaningful knowledge of their interests and abilities (that is, activity that is only an escape or distraction), will interfere with discovering their authentic identity.
Key questions:
- Is their device use facilitating this genuine exploration (setting up internships, practicing programming, or exploring interests that must be virtual)?
- Or is their device use consuming precious time they could be using to genuinely explore potential interests?
Managing anxiety or distress
Exploring their identity and building social connections will involve a lot of stress, failure, disappointment, and even heartbreak. Learning to manage these uncomfortable feelings is an important part of adolescence. Distraction with a diverting entertainment can be one of several strategies for managing stress and distress. But if it becomes the only strategy, it can keep teens from getting “back in the game” and experiencing the fun, success, meaning, and joy that are also a big part of this exploration.
Key questions:
- Do they turn to their devices first when sad or stressed?
- Are they also able to use other strategies, such as talking with friends and family, exercising, or engaging in a meaningful pursuit to help them manage stress?
- Do they feel better after a little time spent on their device, or will they only feel good if they can stay on their device?
Self-care
Getting adequate, restful sleep (8–10 hours per night), finding regular time for exercise, cultivating healthy eating habits, and discovering what healthy strategies help them to unwind or relax is critical to a teenager’s healthiest development, and to healthy adult life. Some screens may help with motivating and tracking exercise, but screens in the bedroom interfere with going to bed, and with falling and staying asleep.
Most teenagers are very busy and managing a lot of (normal) stress; the senseless fun or relaxation that are part of video games or surfing the web are quick, practical, and effective ways to unwind. Don’t discourage your teenager from enjoying them. Instead, focus on also helping them find other healthy ways to relax: hot baths, exercise, time with pets, crafts, reading, and listening to music are just a few examples. As they are building their identity, they should also be discovering how they best slow and calm down.
Key questions:
3. Be mindful of what you model
Many of these principles can apply to our own use of smartphones or other devices. Remember that your teenager will ultimately consider and follow your example much more than your commands. Talk about your thoughts around the risks and benefits of social media use, how you are developing rules and expectations, and why you decided on them. These conversations model thoughtful and flexible decision-making. It is critical that you acknowledge that there are wonderful benefits to technology, including senseless fun. Then, it’s easier to discuss how using screentime to escape can be hard to resist, and why it’s important to practice resisting some temptations.
You will need to follow the same rules you set with your teenager. Make them “family rules.” Acknowledge how difficult setting new habits can be. Model honesty and humility when you fall short of your new rules. Perfection is not possible, and good health is a lifetime project. It’s important for our teenagers to learn how to set these limits and manage their own health behavior, so that eventually they will be ready to do so on their own.
