Sarah and Shawn Boyle were losing sleep and experiencing fear, anguish, and confusion. It’s the struggle parents experience when their child is in distress — particularly when they can’t figure out how to resolve it.
Their son, Sawyer, had always been athletic, academic, well-adjusted, and well-liked. He had a kind, compassionate, and easy-going demeanor and had many friends, interests, and hobbies. But then COVID-19 crept in, and the life he was leading in person, the social framework he was learning to navigate, collapsed into quarantine. Suddenly, he was alone in this room, conducting his life from a computer. His authentic life, as he knew and understood it, had become virtual. He was 8.
When your child is hurting, you can’t help but hurt. It’s hard not to internalize his pain. But this is why we reached out to our pediatrician and, ultimately, to Ohana. When our child struggles, the family struggles.
—Sarah Boyle, mother of Ohana patient Sawyer Boyle
Harder still was the equally sudden return to an in-person life he no longer recognized. Sawyer, now 11, withdrew. He lost interest in sports. He found he needed to draw new boundaries with other kids, but didn’t know or trust how to do that. Neither, it seemed, did the other kids, who also lost a year of social development and were struggling. When Sawyer told his parents he felt like there should be more to life and that this type of life wasn’t fulfilling, they stopped sleeping. So had he.
“Sawyer bravely continued to go to school, continued to do his homework, which could have led some people to assume he was OK,” Sarah says. “All we knew for certain was that he was miserable.”
“When your child is hurting, you can’t help but hurt,” Sarah says. “It’s hard not to internalize his pain. But this is why we reached out to our pediatrician and, ultimately, to Ohana. When our child struggles, the family struggles.”
This also is why the Boyle family made a joint decision to speak candidly about Sawyer’s struggles and the family’s work with Ohana to help him navigate a healthy life path.
“We stress in our household that talking about this is going to help so many other people to normalize mental health issues,” Sarah says. “Society talks regularly about all kinds of ailments from the neck down, and how to address them. Why can’t we talk about health issues from the neck up?”
At Ohana, Sawyer was given tools to help build his confidence and sense of independence. He was introduced to different ways of looking at scenarios and situations, says his father, while learning not to take certain interactions to heart, letting them instead roll off his back.
“Ohana also has helped Sawyer realize that he, himself, has hang-ups, and that he may need to pivot to improve himself." Shawn says. "I think Sawyer is starting to get that when another person is harsh, it may be more about the person trying to figure out who they are. It’s a constant exercise to have confidence, to stand tall, stay in his own sense of self in the presence of others’ issues."
Through Ohana, Sawyer learned how to set boundaries. He learned how to define his emotions, distinguishing between those that are inappropriate and those that are valid but uncomfortable, and how to work through the feelings.
At first, Sawyer says, he was a bit nervous and didn’t want to go to Ohana, but he found the staff made him feel comfortable right away. After his first class, he turned to his mom and said, “That was actually kind of fun.”
Most importantly, he says, going to Ohana helps him realize he is not alone in his feelings. “And I’m learning how to spot emotions and how to work through them.”
Sawyer’s parents are proud of their son and grateful for the progress he’s made during his work with Ohana.
“He was willing to participate in this process." Shawn says. "Ohana is not going to figure it all out for him. The parent and the child must take an active role in this to help the child gain insight on how to rise above his issues. It takes courage to try to know yourself and to stay true to who you are, to understand that happiness is a choice.”
