Supporting Children’s Emotional Development

Supporting children's emotional development is key to raising healthy, happy kids. Emotional development is about the way children learn to recognize, express, and manage their feelings. It helps them to build meaningful relationships, develop a sense of self-worth, and navigate the ups and downs of life. Find out how you can foster your children’s emotional growth.

Tend to Your Mental Health

First and foremost, you need to be as emotionally healthy as you can to raise healthy children. Young people learn from watching adults manage their moods. So, model these coping tactics:

• Pay attention to your triggers

• Use calming techniques in times of stress such as pausing or taking deep breaths to avoid losing your temper

• Name and acknowledge your emotions so your child learns to identify their own moods

Most importantly, talk to a therapist when you need help. If you have teens, be open about the fact that you see a behavioral health professional, without sharing details of your conversations. You’ll send a message that mental healthcare is as normal as visits to a doctor.

Let Children Feel Negative Emotions

Young people of all ages have ups and downs. Teach them to not repress negative feelings; instead, help your children learn to cope. At different ages, playing, listening to music, and journaling may be useful ways to respond to sadness or disappointment. Let your children experience their feelings. It’s less important for them to be happy at every moment than for them to be OK with who they are.

Give Babies the Love and Attention They Need

Infants need to feel safe and loved just as much as they need food and sleep. By responding to your baby’s coos and cries, you’re showing that they can count on others for support. A nurturing relationship with at least one adult is critical to social development. When you play with your baby and enjoy time together, you’re providing what he or she needs emotionally.

Name Your Toddler’s Feelings

As children start to be able to do tasks themselves, they also learn the limits of their control. But they are just starting to learn emotional regulation; without regulation skills, frustration can easily lead to tantrums. They need your help to understand and name their feelings. Just as you teach the names of people and objects, give your children an age-appropriate emotional vocabulary. Use words like “happy,” “sad,” “scared,” and “mad” to help your child build the association between the word and the feeling.

You can also model how to react to certain situations. Toddlers see the world through your eyes and learn appropriate responses based on your emotions, words, and body language. Demonstrating healthy verbal and non-verbal responses to stress helps your child internalize frustration tolerance.

Help Children Ages 3-5 Manage Their Emotions

As children grow, they start to become aware of more complex emotions, including multiple emotions at the same time. They become aware of other people’s expectations and may feel guilt or shame if they don’t measure up. Teach your children to never feel shame or be embarrassed about something they can’t control, like who they are. You can help them learn to take action if they feel guilt such as when they hurt someone’s feelings.

At ages 3–5, your child needs help to begin managing their emotions. If you use time-outs, talk with your child about what happened afterward. Reassure your child that you still love them.

Keep in mind that parents make mistakes, too. If you lose your temper, take this opportunity to model an apology and ask for forgiveness. It’s important to restore your child’s trust.

Enjoy Quality Time with School-age Children

Your children may not share everything that happens with you, so check in with them regularly during quality time together — eating dinner, playing a game, or going to the park. You show how important your children are by carving out time to spend with them.

If your child has shown a behavior change, start the conversation with an observation. For example: “It seems like you’ve been down lately.” If they don’t want to talk right away, give them space. If your child does bring something forward, honor and name their feelings — if you minimize their emotions, they’ll shut down. Listen, validate, and communicate that you care. Try to coach your child by exploring solutions together rather than telling them what to do.

Walk Alongside Teens and Young Adults

By their teen years, youth begin to rely less on their parents and more on themselves for emotional regulation. Slowly, they gain autonomy, with parents, teachers, and coaches as safety nets. They’ll make mistakes, and you can help them use those slip-ups as learning experiences. Let your teens know missteps are a natural part of life. By supporting — not sheltering — your teens as they overcome challenges, you help them build resilience.

Teens and young adults still need to spend time with you, even if they don’t admit it. Find a hobby you both enjoy and do it together regularly. Some teens find it easier to open up during a shared activity than a sit-down conversation. Others process their emotions better through sports or art than through words.

What To Do If You’re Worried

Pay attention to what your teen’s behavior communicates. You may have a reason to be concerned if they start spending a lot of time alone in their room or stop doing normal activities. Speak calmly and address your concerns with statements like “I feel worried when…” or “I feel hurt because….” By using “I” statements, you’ll avoid raising your teen’s defenses or causing shame — triggers that can make them shut down. Remember, your teen ultimately wants to know they have your unconditional love even if you are concerned about their behavior.

If your teen expresses hopelessness or says they don’t feel like life is worth living, get help right away. The sooner your teen gets mental health support, the better their long-term outcome will be.