Raising Resilient Teens

Being a teenager is hard. Likewise, parenting a teenager is hard. Preparing your teen to bounce back from challenging or difficult times is an important part of parenting. You may want to step in and try to fix a problem for them when they’re stuck, but if you do, know that you’re keeping your teen in a bubble and shielding them from failure or disappointment. They need to learn how to cope with difficult situations that arise in everyday life.

Why Your Teen Needs Coping Skills

Handling life’s everyday challenges on the way to adulthood helps teens develop better overall mental health. They learn to work out problems and accept failure and the hard emotions that go along with it. Learning from adversity helps young people develop deeper self-knowledge and allows them to figure out coping strategies that work for them.

Resilient teens can get back to their normal well-being after facing challenges. The more difficulties they face, the better prepared they are to manage them successfully.

Foundations of Mental Health

Healthy habits are the foundation of resilience:

• Get enough sleep — teens need 8 to 10 hours per day
• Get at least 60 minutes of physical activity per day
• Eat nutritious foods
• Be screen smart — don’t use electronics for more than two hours per day outside of schoolwork
• Make time for social connections with friends and supportive people
• Relax and recharge by regularly doing enjoyable activities

Model What Resilience Looks Like

Whether you realize it or not, your teen watches how you react to a setback or challenge. Practice what you preach because your response can contribute to your teen’s resilience.

Model the healthy behaviors and skills you want your teen to use. Show self-compassion and keep the problem in perspective. Seek help or support from your family, friends, or professionals whenever needed, and be open and honest with your teen. Share your problem and talk about ways that you can resolve it together.

7 Tips to Help Teens in a Difficult Time

To raise a resilient teen, resist your desire to intervene by proactively teaching them how to resolve problems. Be there to provide emotional support through hard times.

Foster resilience in your teen:

1. Listen to them and allow them to share as much as they’d like.
2. Ask open-ended questions; try prompts such as, “What more is there to this story?”
3. Reserve judgment during discussions. Your teen might sense your disappointment and be less inclined to share with you.
4. Acknowledge how your teen feels with statements like, “I can understand how you might feel hurt about this.”
5. Build problem-solving skills through coaching. Express the problem and help your teen brainstorm potential solutions with questions like:
   • What ideas do you have to address this?
   • What would happen if you did that?
   • Are there any consequences if you do that?
   • What do you have control over in this situation?
6. Give comfort in a way your teen finds soothing, such as a hug, offer of tea, or another way that makes sense for your teen.
7. Ask if your teen would be interested in hearing your thoughts or experiences with a similar situation. If they say no, then respect their wishes.

When you empower your teen to be resilient, you help them thrive during good and challenging times. Together, you can get through anything.