Withdrawn behavior in children and teens
Wanting some time alone is normal, and the amount needed depends on the person. Some children and teens are naturally introverted or have a quiet or low-key temperament. Others are talkative, outgoing, or social. When the usually quiet child becomes even more withdrawn or the outgoing child suddenly or dramatically shifts, it’s time to look deeper.
Withdrawn behavior may be a response to a difficult transition or great stress, such as a move or serious illness in a parent. It can follow a trauma or be the way a child is trying to manage an anxiety, mood, or thought disorder. It could also be a sign that a child has begun to use drugs or alcohol. Understanding the cause or causes and getting support for both you and your child is important.
Learn more about withdrawn behavior at your child’s age
Withdrawn behavior in early childhood (0–5 years old)
Young children usually want to be around their family and also want play time with other children. Their developmental growth depends on these interactions, which help your child develop language, creativity, social skills, and confidence.
What can I do?
You can support your child by creating paths for social interactions, at home and elsewhere.
- Set an example by talking and interacting with others
- Encourage pretend play that can help build confidence
- Plan family activities that provide opportunities for your child to take part
Create opportunities for interactions, such as playground visits, playdates, parent-child group participation, and creative activities involving other children
- Avoid labeling your child, such as calling them “shy” or “introverted”
- Make sure your child knows they can express their feelings
When should I be concerned?
While comfort with social interactions varies widely among children, you should consider seeking professional help if your child:
- Doesn’t seem interested in socializing
- Can't be drawn into playgroups
- Spends most of their playgroup time on their own
- Seems more focused on objects than people
- Has had a sudden change in behavior, from being social to being withdrawn
Where can I get help?
- Talk to your child’s pediatrician about your experience and for guidance
- Contact Ohana at (831) OHANA01
Talking with your child’s pediatrician can help determine whether your child’s social skills are like other children at their age and development stage or if they could benefit from further evaluation.
Because young children can’t communicate their internal world the way older kids can, most of the assessment process with a clinician involves interviewing the parents. Treatment also typically focuses on working with the parents. This isn’t because parents are doing something wrong. It’s that very young children who are withdrawn may need a specialized type of parenting that doesn’t necessarily come naturally. Having a professional provide new parenting strategies can reduce your stress. It can also help you build a stronger and more positive connection with your child.
Ohana uses a range of treatments that are based on evidence and experience. We know that no two families are alike and choose the best options for you, after an assessment of your child and family. Learn more about our treatment approaches.
Withdrawn behavior in school-age children (6–11 years old)
As kids get older, their world begins to widen into school and other activities, providing more opportunities — and requirements — for interactions with others. Many children thrive on those opportunities; others are more reluctant. Interactions are essential to their growth and development, helping them build on their language, learning, comprehension abilities, creativity, social skills, and confidence.
What can I do?
Your child will find their comfort zone in interacting with others. To encourage them, you can:
- Set an example by talking and interacting with others
- Plan family activities that provide opportunities for your child to take part
- Encourage participation in group activities such as creative classes, sports teams, or clubs
- Make sure your child knows they can express their feelings
- Avoid labeling your child, such as calling them “shy” or “introverted”
When should I be concerned?
Keeping kids engaged in school is a priority at this stage that is fundamental to their development. You should consider seeking professional help if your child regularly:
- Avoids the lunchroom or the playground at school
- Avoids parties, gatherings, or after-school activities
- Has negative interactions with teachers or peers
- Generally prefers solitary activities over spending time with friends or family
- Has a sudden change in behavior, going from being social and talkative to withdrawn and unwilling or uninterested in activities or interactions they used to enjoy
Sometimes a child’s own behavior isolates them from others. If a child has trouble communicating or controlling their impulses or their bodies, they might push other people away. When withdrawn behavior is coupled with other behavior problems, there could be a range of causes including social anxiety, bullying, mood or behavior disorders, or autism.
Where can I get help?
If you are concerned about your child’s withdrawn behavior:
- Talk to your child’s pediatrician about your experience and for guidance
- Check with your child’s school for resources they may have
- Contact Ohana at (831) OHANA01
If recommended, your pediatrician can provide a referral to a mental health clinician who can help you identify the cause of your child’s withdrawn behavior. A clinician will spend time with you and your child, often together.
In general, the younger the child is, the less they will be the focus of treatment. Most of the therapeutic work is with parents, teaching them strategies to manage withdrawn behavior in the home and not unintentionally reinforce the unwanted behavior. As children get older, and it’s appropriate based on their diagnosis, individual or group therapy may help.
Ohana uses a range of treatments that are based on evidence and experience. We know that no two families are alike and choose the best options for you, after an assessment of your child and family. Learn more about our treatment approaches.
Withdrawn behavior in teens (12–18 years old) and young adults (19–25 years old)
Even though most teens are interested in social interaction, it’s also normal for them to spend more time alone than they did when they were younger. They may want to be alone in their room or to pursue solitary hobbies such as video games. Young adults who are introverted may value spending time alone to recharge.
Your teen or young adult may still respond to encouragement to have dinner with the family or to take part in group activities. But typically, they are more interested in spending time with friends. While it is normal to pull away from parents and identify more with peers during adolescence and young adulthood, social withdrawal from friends and peers may be a sign of something more serious.
What can I do?
- Check in with your teen or young adult and ask questions about their friends, activities and interests
- Listen and be curious
- Provide an open and supportive environment
- Model the social behaviors and skills you want your teen to use
- Plan family activities that provide opportunities for your child to take part
- Encourage, but don’t force, participation in group activities such as creative classes, sports teams, or clubs
- Make sure your child knows they can express their feelings
- Provide structure for your teen for self-care: maintain rules about sleep and screen time and support routines for exercise, good nutrition and relaxation
When should I be concerned?
Sometimes, withdrawn behavior is a short-term reaction to a difficult situation, such as an argument with a friend or the loss of a relationship. Other times, it could be a sign of something more persistent. You should be concerned if your teen or young adult:
- Is withdrawn for an extended time
- Shows a significant shift in behavior
- Seems to have few or no connections with other people
- Expresses odd thoughts or behavior
- Expresses thoughts of self-harm, suicide, or not wanting to be here
- Fails to engage in normal daily activities, such as school or work
- Doesn’t keep up with personal hygiene
- Acts secretly
- Visits websites about violence, self-harm, or other disturbing content
Where can I get help?
- Your teen or young adult’s primary care doctor
- School mental health services
- University mental health services, if your child is in college
- An employee assistance program (EAP), if your young adult has access through an employer
- Contact Ohana at (831) OHANA01
Withdrawn behavior can have a range of causes, from social anxiety to trauma to a mood or behavior disorder. If a mental and behavioral assessment is recommended for your teen, your clinician will likely spend time with you and your child separately. If your young adult is being assessed, they may see a clinician on their own, depending on their situation.
Ohana uses a range of treatments that are based on evidence and experience. We know that no two families are alike and choose the best options for you, after an assessment of your child and family. Learn more about our treatment approaches.
