Sadness in children, teens, and young adults
It’s normal for kids to be sad at times, from young children losing a favorite toy to teenage breakups to young adults struggling with being away from home. Sadness is part of our spectrum of human emotion. Without it, we wouldn’t know the joys of life or appreciate the people and things that bring us happiness. Occasional sadness can also help our kids build resilience by learning to navigate their down times and grow from them.
How do you know what's "appropriate" sadness and when you should be concerned? If your child's sadness is prolonged and impacts their daily life and behavior, it could be a sign of something more serious, such as depression — an increasingly common issue for young people.
The American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, and the Children's Hospital Association have declared a national emergency in children's mental health, to help address soaring rates of depression and anxiety. Pediatricians report that more than half of their appointments are for psychiatric issues. To help address the growing need, efforts are underway to make it standard practice to screen for depression at annual checkups for patients 12 and older or at doctor visits of young patients with emotional, sleep or vague health concerns.
Learn more about sadness at your child's age
Sadness in early childhood (0-5 years old)
Young children are very sensitive to what is going on around them and can have big emotions, including sadness. Some can express these feelings with their words, others by acting out. Many situations can cause significant feelings of sadness, including:
- Loss of a family member or a pet
- Changes in their family environment
- Injury or illness
- Family difficulties, such as housing or financial uncertainty
What can I do?
If your preschooler is expressing sadness that doesn't relate to some passing cause or situation, you can:
- Give them some extra attention and care
- Listen to them and be curious about their feelings, if they can express themselves
When should I be concerned?
You should be concerned if your child:
- Is sad for an extended time, such as a week or two
- Complains of stomach, head, or muscle aches
- Sleeps or eats more or less than usual
- Acts more needy or more withdrawn
- Cries more than normal or has more tantrums
- Is uninterested in the things they used to enjoy
- Is irritable or grumpy all the time
Where can I get help?
- Talk to your child's doctor about your experience and for guidance
- Contact Ohana at (831) OHANA01
Sadness in school-age children (6-11 years old)
School-age children are expanding their world beyond home and family, meaning more experiences, happy and sad. School can be fun and exciting for some, but it's also a big adjustment and can be stressful. Friendships are becoming more important, and can be the source of joy and sadness. Kids at this age are also more attuned to what's happening at home, and can be more deeply affected by family struggles. One of the things they are working on during this time is learning to manage distress, and learning to deal with sadness is part of that growth.
What can I do?
If your child is feeling unusually sad, you can:
- Give them some extra attention and care
- Listen to them and be curious about their feelings. Ask questions to help them identify and understand the source of their sadness
- Let them know it's OK to be sad at times
- Offer comfort and compassion but don't try to "fix" what's causing their sadness (unless it's unsafe or dangerous)
- Help them identify ways to make themselves feel better, such as a physical or creative activity
- Make sure they have what they need for self-care: sleep, healthy foods, exercise, time for play
When should I be concerned?
You should be concerned if your child:
- Is sad or hopeless for an extended time, such as a week or two
- Complains of stomach, head, or muscle aches
- Sleeps or eats more or less than usual
- Is withdrawn
- Is uninterested in the things they used to enjoy
- Is disruptive at school or at home
- Has new trouble with grades or homework
- Doesn't want to go to school
- Is combative
- Talks about death or self-harm
Where can I get help?
- Talk to your child's doctor about your experience and for guidance
- Talk to your child's school about what they're experiencing and for resources
- Contact Ohana at (831) OHANA01
If recommended, your child may be evaluated by a mental and behavioral health professional to learn more about their sadness and the causes. They may determine that your child could benefit from treatment such as cognitive behavioral therapy, which focuses on changing thoughts and emotions that can negatively affect behavior. The therapist helps the child become aware of their thoughts and feelings and understand the difference between a feeling and fact. In some cases, medication may also be part of their treatment.
Ohana uses a range of treatments that are based on evidence and experience. We know that no two families are alike and choose the best options for you, after an assessment of your child and family. Learn more about our treatment approaches.
Sadness in teens (12-18 years old)
Teens and moodiness often go together. Teens typically experience more complex and mature emotions, often more intensely and faster than just a few years ago. Blame the brain for part of it, teens are guided mainly by the part of the brain that is emotional and reactive, while the thoughtful, logical part is still under construction.
At the same time, they're struggling with a lot of pressures - school, family, friends, romance, how to look, act, and dress, and growing awareness of real-world problems. With all that's going on, sadness is inevitable at times. Some teens can mostly roll with it, while others have trouble finding a path forward.
What can I do?
Some of the ways you can support your teen include:
- Be available to listen without judgment
- Let them know it's OK to be sad at times but don't minimize what's bothering them (e.g., "Everyone goes through that")
- Offer comfort and compassion but don't try to "fix" what's making them sad (unless it's something unsafe or dangerous)
- Encourage them to talk to people they trust
- Make sure they have what they need for self-care: Sleep, healthy foods, exercise, time for fun
When should I be concerned?
You should be concerned if your teen:
- Is sad or hopeless for an extended time, such as a week or two
- Cries for no apparent reason or more often than before
- Sleeps or eats more or less than usual
- Is withdrawn
- Is uninterested in the things they used to enjoy
- Is disruptive at school or at home
- Has new trouble with grades or homework
- Doesn't want to go to school
- Seems more irritable with others
- Feels bad about themselves or "guilty" about things they have done
- Has trouble concentrating
- Talks about death or self-harm
Where can I get help?
- Talk to your teen's doctor about your experience and for guidance
- Talk to their school about what they're experiencing and for resources they may have to help
- Contact Ohana at (831) OHANA01
A mental and behavioral health specialist can help determine whether your teen is experiencing normal bouts of sadness, or whether it's something more, such as depression. Depression affects as many as 20 percent of adolescents, with girls experiencing major depressive disorder (MDD) twice as often as boys.
A clinician may determine that your teen could benefit from treatment such as cognitive behavioral therapy, which focuses on changing thoughts and emotions that can negatively affect behavior. Medication may also be part of their treatment.
Ohana uses a range of treatments that are based on evidence and experience. We know that no two families are alike and choose the best options for you, after an assessment of your child and family. Learn more about our treatment approaches.
Sadness in young adults (19-25 years old)
Becoming a young adult is hard — from the pressures of school to finding meaningful work to forging friendships and romantic relationships and living independently. Everyone feels these struggles, and at times, everyone feels them intensely. Exams, breakups, economic distress, family tension, and loss are all examples of stressors that can make all of us sad and even depressed. Sadness can also come out of the blue, as natural fluctuations in mood are very common.
What can I do?
If your young adult lives with you or you are closely connected despite geographic distance, you can:
- Be available to listen without judgment
- Let them know it's OK to be sad at times but don't minimize what's bothering them ("Everyone goes through that")
- Don't try to "fix" what's making them sad (unless it's something unsafe or dangerous)
- Encourage them to talk to people they trust
When should I be concerned?
You should be concerned if your young adult:
- Feels sad for more than two weeks
- Is more combative with family or friends
- Seems increasingly irritable or cries more often
- Stops doing things they used to enjoy
- Isolates
- Has changes in sleeping or eating habits
- Has excessive guilt, low self-esteem, or hypersensitivity
- Talks about death or self-harm
Where can I get help?
If your young adult experiences the changes listed above, talk with them about seeking help right away. Once they are 18, you no longer have access to their medical information unless they give permission, but you can support them and suggest these paths for help:
- Talk with their primary care doctor
- If they are in college, seek university mental health services
- If they are working, connect with an employee assistance program (EAP), if one is available
- Contact Ohana at (831) OHANA01
If an assessment determines they are suffering from depression, treatment could include cognitive behavioral therapy, which focuses on changing thoughts and emotions that can negatively affect behavior. Medication also would likely be part of their treatment.
Ohana uses a range of treatments that are based on evidence and experience. We know that no two families are alike and choose the best options for you, after an assessment of your child and family. Learn more about our treatment approaches.
